Euro 2020: Screamer or shocker?

UEFA President Michel Platini has been a busy boy. Having been foiled in his nefarious scheme to sabotage the only European club competition that just about works, he’s now reset his sights on international football in the shape of Euro 2020. Ian Dacre dissects the pros and cons.

For anyone who missed it, Platini’s plan is to stage the bloated tournament (it’s expanding from a Kate Moss-esque 16 teams to a Mr Creosote-sized 24 from the next championship, France 2016) in cities all across the continent. Before anyone panics, it’s a one-off event marking the 60th anniversary of the Euros.

To make a massive, sweeping, statement, the football authorities rarely get anything right when it comes to ‘improving’ any aspect of the game – but does this latest caper deserve the wave of hostility it’ll be met with? Let’s try to be reasonable for a minute…

THE GOOD

Road trip!

An international tournament is a great opportunity to have a mosey around a new country or two – often one you wouldn’t necessarily go to on holiday (sorry Ukraine). So the 2020 format, with some judicious planning and a minivan full of beer, offers scope for misadventures all over the continent.

Good for the little guys

Countries like Wales and Scotland are unlikely to be offered the chance to host a major championship, but do have one or two stadiums they’d like to show off. Other smaller football nations without massive stadia could also benefit – instead of having the interminable group stage played out in half-empty 60,000 capacity grounds, the smaller games could be played in grounds that reflect demand for seats, making for a better atmosphere.

Free-for-all

No, not the prices, obviously – remember the pocket-liners organising it. But with multiple host nations, Euro 2020 won’t be short of teams with home advantage, at least early on – assuming they get to play in their home cities, which would make sense, before the luck of the draw kicks in after the group stage. Allowing smaller teams to play at home might also level the playing field (although given UEFA’s love of seeding and the status quo, that’s probably a pipe dream). So clear favourites will be hard to pick – a bookie’s nightmare…

White elephant extinction

As a faceless UEFA bureaucrat has already droned out, splitting the games up and having one stadium per host city would mean not having to build gigantic arenas that’ll never be used again – see poor old South Africa (I know, pedants, it’s not in Europe, but the point stands). All the grounds that are chosen should already be up to scratch. And it’ll be hilarious watching Manchester, Liverpool and Glasgow trying to decide which club’s ground to pick – never mind European unity, there’ll be civil war…

THE BAD

Massive rip-off

Did you see the prices for flights to Ukraine? Astronomical. Over a grand during Euro 2012. Now imagine you want to follow England and are too travel-sickness prone to go for the excellent road trip idea. Flying to seven-plus cities (depending on the tournament format and how far the team progresses) won’t come cheap, especially when all the travel agents hike their fares for a month.

Travel-weary teams

There was a fair bit of moaning at the last two international tournaments about teams having to travel a distance from their bases. So, France are holed up in a nice, cosy, Copenhagen hotel for the quarters, win, then travel 1,728.9 miles to Athens for the semi. Are they going to fancy that?

Moaning minnows

The problem with wanting to display all the best cities is that it could cancel out two of the positives. If the biggest cities in the biggest football nations get picked, we could be left with a scenario where all the smaller teams have away games and the groups are all walk-overs. And with only the biggest stadiums being used, empty seats could be an issue, especially with the cost of travel.

Identity crisis

A World Cup or European Championship is a fantastic chance to put a host country on the map. The most successful ones consume the entire nation, ramping up the excitement for home fans and neutrals – and when the home team goes out, the atmosphere often suffers. A tournament all over the continent would be too fragmented to generate the party vibe – little pockets of noise fizzling out miles away from each other.

GETTING OFF THE FENCE

Having initially dismissed it as a hair-brained cop-out designed to stop another incredibly boring, bribe-ridden bidding war, I’m coming round to the idea of a European-wide tournament, especially if it’s a one-time-only offer. To make it work, I’d hold the group stages in smaller countries and mid-sized stadia, with the knock-outs moving into heavyweight territory, perhaps at the same venues as famous earlier finals. But who’s asking me, Michel?

The main problem is the expense – has anyone at UEFA seriously considered the fans in all this? Although you could argue that travelling to a tournament is a big expense anyway, and the multi-city/country format will actually give more supporters the chance to see top international teams. Which would be a plus.

So overall, it could work – but who knows? I’m sure we’ll all watch it. Wherever it all happens, the French will fight. The Dutch will sulk. The Germans will win. English penalties will be missed. Horrifically. Let’s hope UEFA can get the balance right, and the 2020 “Euro Euros” will be closer to the Champions League than the Cup-Winner’s Cup.

Di Matteo’s departure is regrettable, but Roman knows what he’s doing

As Roman Abramovich’s itchy trigger finger strikes again to leave Roberto Di Matteo in the dole queue this morning, Chris Thomas asks: What’s all the fuss about?

So, with the predictability of a tabloid photographer lurking on Bournemouth beach at the first hint of summer, Chelsea’s owner has decided his Italian manager is no longer cutting the mustard. Granted, it’s come a lot sooner than some may have predicted, but did we really expect anything else? And, more pertinently, why the large outpouring of outrage?

Firstly, let’s go back to May last year when Di Matteo, appointed as a short-term measure, somehow managed to clinch the Champions League trophy. Having achieved what has been widely perceived to be Abramovich’s main ambition, the club must have felt they had no option to offer the Italian a full-time contract, despite having achieved little in his spell at West Bromwich Albion. Had he not achieved the miracle of Munich, there’s little doubt his services would have been dispensed with quicker than Usain Bolt scoffs a chicken nugget.

And, lest we forget, Avram Grant was the width of a post from becoming the first Chelsea manager to lift the ‘Big Eared Cup’ having come in to steady the ship following the departure of Jose Mourinho. Of course, that miss by John Terry was probably the final nail in the coffin of Grant’s tenure. Had he scored (and just think how unbearable Terry would be if he had), there can be little doubt that Grant would have been kept on.

So, we know Chelsea’s oilgarch has a track record for these sort of things. In fact, the only surprise is that he showed such sentimentality by appointing Di Matteo, given his usually hard-nosed business decisions. The ascension of Di Matteo to full-time coach was surely based on the fact the club knew they’d be in for a rough ride from the media (and fans) had they not done so, with many following the supposed logic of: “You have to appoint the man who won you the Champions League”.

When you consider Abramovich has now completed an impressive full house of sacking a Premier League winner, an FA Cup winner, a League Cup winner, a UEFA Cup winner, a Champions League winner AND a World Cup winner, that show of sentimentality becomes even more surprising.

But while the booting of Di Matteo (like that of Andre Villas-Boas last season, and of Carlo Ancelotti the season before) seems harsh, Chelsea fans shouldn’t be too worried. After all, a glance up at North London shows that stability doesn’t necessarily guarantee success.

Obviously, I’m not talking about Tottenham (What stability? What success?), instead focusing on the seven trophy-less years Arsenal’s fans have had to endure. Would Arsenal’s fans swap some (if not all) of the last seven years of near-misses and general disappointment for just one of the eight major trophies Chelsea have won in that time? Or are they happy taking the high ground of seeing pretty football that generally flatters to deceive at the business end of competitions?

So, before the Chelsea faithful start questioning the decision, they probably need to think about whether they want managerial stability or a steady stream of trophies. Because there’s only been one instance of both in the Premier League era: Alex Ferguson at Man Utd. Arsenal and Chelsea both achieved something similar on a short-term basis when Arsene Wenger and Jose Mourinho had their respective purple patches, but that dearth of  ’dynasties’ shows how hard it is for teams to gain consistent success.

Given the financial clout on offer to whoever (*cough* Josep *cough* Guardiola *cough*) steps into the hotseat at Stamford Bridge, fans can be assured that big-money signings are going to be on the agenda and a new – if brief – era of challenging for trophies won’t be far away. Similarly, they can be assured that we’ll be having this debate again in the not-too-distant future…

Terry’s retirement is good news all round

In the wake of John Terry’s retirement from international football, Chris Thomas says the decision is one that will – in the long-term – benefit all parties.

So, in a fit of pique, England’s John Terry (TM) has decided to call time on his international career. As it’s been put so eloquently here, we’ll skip over the fact the Chelsea captain has no right to play the victim, and instead take a look at the impact his decision will have…

ON ENGLAND

This seems the logical place to start and despite fears over losing a player of his experience, I can’t see Roy Hodgson’s men being too hampered by the Terry-shaped hole in defence (indeed, his lack of pace has meant that hole has appeared even when he’s played…).

The major point to make here is that while Terry continues to perform with distinction, he hasn’t been as consistently near his best for the Three Lions over the past 18 months or so. Now, aside from his extra-curricular activities impacting his involvement, a huge part of that is down to the fact Chelsea – as a whole – are a superior team to England; and this enables Terry’s deficiencies to be better masked when turning out for the Stamford Bridge outfit.

This phenomenon is similar to that of The Gerrard And Lampard Problem (alas, not a prog rock album), where their respective teams are built around getting the best of each of them. Yet when they turn up for England duty, no manager has successfully got the best out of either on a consistent level.

With that in mind, it takes us onto his successors.

While it is too soon to mention the likes of Joleon Lescott, Gary Cahill and Phil Jagielka in the same breath as Messrs Charlton (J), Butcher and Campbell, the three now have the chance to cement their place in the centre of defence, without the spectre of Terry looming large over them. In theory, Hodgson should be able to settle on a partnership that stays in place until the next World Cup… and beyond.

And with Ashley Cole steaming mercilessly on towards 100 caps (plus the continued presence of the aforementioned Gerrard and Lampard), concerns over a lack of experience should be put to one side.

Away from the playing side of things, and overlooking Roy Hodgson’s troubling Capello-esque support for Terry, the fanfare that surrounds the now ex-international and his clearly divisive effect on the dressing room has also been removed. Of course, if Rio Ferdinand comes back into the fold, we can’t expect him to be perched next to Ashley Cole, but there should be a harmonious atmosphere when the players get together.

ON CHELSEA

As fans and managers of Newcastle United can testify following the self-imposed England exile of Alan Shearer, Roberto Di Matteo and the Stamford Bridge faithful are likely to benefit from Terry’s decision.

His commitment to the club has never been questioned, but with less games (and travel) to contend with, Terry’s likely to have added at least another season to his career while also making it easier to maintain a high level of performance. As centre half for one of the country’s leading clubs, there’ll be no room for sentiment when the legs start to go, so that extra recovery time should stand him in good stead to the end of his current contract at the very least.

And, who knows, with a few more free weekends in his calendar, what odds on ‘Mr Chelsea’ taking over the hotseat sooner rather than later?

ON JOHN TERRY

Aside from the obvious physical benefits of having fewer games, Terry will also find his mental wellbeing improves.

Irrespective of whether or not a large chunk of his problems have been self-inflicted, the weight of having to bat away questions about his off-the-field (or, indeed, on-the-field) antics is sure to take its toll. In a rare display of awareness, the FA spotted this and relieved Terry of all media work during Euro 2012.

And a happier John Terry will surely mean a happier Mrs Terry. Which is nice.

Column | Dimitar Suburbatov (16 September)

Well helloooooooooooooooooo London! In the words of Eminem, “Guess who’s back. Back again…”

Yup, as even the mildly astute among you would have noticed, I have returned to the capital – and, if I do say so myself, with something of a bang after my showing against West Brom.

To be honest, it’s good to be back down south and with the big bear that is Martin Jol. The crazy ass Dutchman is an absolute hoot in the dressing room, always moving our gear into each other’s lockers and, last week, he covered John Arne Riise’s car with Blu-Tac – it looked like a Smurf on wheels.

Anyway, me and Mrs B are still getting to grips in our new surroundings, but our place in Sloane Square is swish. The only danger is that the other half will blow all our money in John Lewis as it’s within walking distance. Ah well, it just means I’ll have to keep banging in the goals to get my bonus.

It’s interesting to get to know a new bunch of teammates again, and there are a few characters here.

Bryan Ruiz springs to mind straight away, walking around in a chino suit and monocle – he looks like a cross between the Del Monte man and Poirot and, as you can imagine, he gets a lot of stick. That said, it’s a close call between Ruiz and Philippe Senderos as to who gets the most stick – the Swiss lummox is like Lenny from Of Mice and Men. It seriously baffles me that he manages to turn up at the right ground every week. The lads were telling me that last year when the gaffer told him to look for short passes, he only targeted Damien Duff as he thought the boss said ‘short arses’.

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

Burba x

Things we’ll definitely* see at Euro 2012

(*OK, ‘definitely’ might be a push…)

Ahead of the start of the Euros, we enlist local psychic, Romany gypsy Mystic Mihaela to look into her crystal ball to let us know what we can expect on the pitch, in the stands and in the TV studios. This cost us 35 euros and an hour in a caravan just outside Krakow, it had better be good. Translations provided by Chris Thomas…

ON THE PITCH…

“I see a team with red shirts passing the ball. And passing. And passing. Even the ball looks a bit bored.”

“A man with too much gel in his hair and too much teeth in his mouth will shoot from distance. A lot. A fat man in an England shirt looks on admiringly, but he appears to have missed out on the tournament and is sitting on his sofa with a female TV presenter.”

“Mario Balotelli will do something stupid (that’s a freebie, granted).”

“Stewart Downing will invoke memories of Tom Finney and Sir Stanley Matthews… by running down the wing like an ageing/dead ex-footballer.”

“The Czech goalkeeper will come out wearing a bubblewrap helmet following a balloon landing on his head.”

“The much-anticipated Germany-Holland game will not be an attacking goal-fest, instead will be a dour 1-0 win to the Oranje.”

“Ireland’s Robbie Keane will only play the first game, as he dislocates both shoulders by pointing too often and too frantically.”

OFF THE PITCH…

“A Cockney geezer will go postal in a TV studio when England limp out of the tournament, running around waving his shirt above his head shouting ‘I could have done better than that owl lookalike’.”

“Banana sales in the Ukraine will hit new highs. And Mein Kampf hits top spot in the Ukraine best-sellers.”

“A northern Englishman, who can’t close his legs when sitting, will make many unschooled proclamations. Including the suggestion that Denmark’s Christian Eriksen couldn’t do it on a Tuesday night in Stoke…”

“Patrick Vieira and Roy Keane will come to blows in the studio, re-enacting their famous tunnel bust-up, during an England game when the camera zooms in on Gary Neville and Vieira whispers something to Adrian Chiles.”

“Cameramen will find pretty Eastern European girls in the crowds at games, where just behind them are a group of drunk men leering… and dribbling.”

“Mark Lawrenson and Andy Townsend will unwittingly feature in an ongoing battle to prove that neither of them, in fact, is Irish.”

Euro 2012 | Group A preview

‘A’  for apathy? Unfortunately, Group A contains no big name countries so unless you are of Polish, Greek, Russian or Czech descent, you haven’t given this group much thought. And to be fair, I doubt the Greeks have either – they’ve got other things on their mind after all. That said, a relatively level playing field could make this an interesting group. Words: Michael Cooper.

Game of the group

Despite the lack of apparent quality within Group A, the Poland-Czech Republic game is set up nicely to be one of the better games of the group phase.

Russia will (in my humble opinion) win the group, which will leave Poland and the Czechs battling it out for the other qualifying spot. To make it more significant, the footballing gods have worked their magic to ensure that the two teams meet in the final round of matches, which means both teams will be looking for a result to keep their Euro dreams alive. Throw in a bit of eastern European rivalry to the mix and we could have an exciting game on our hands.

CZECH REPUBLIC

Manager: Michal Bilek. A former Czechoslovakia international but still only 47, Bilek took charge in 2009 and led them to the Euros via the play-offs. He will be hoping to recreate the magic of the 2004 Czech Republic side and gain a few new fans along the way.

Lookalike: Bilek could easily be part of Eastenders‘ Mitchell clan; Albert Square could do with an eastern European family after all.

Player most likely to attract Prem scouts: Michael Kadlec. The 27-year-old marauding left-back currently plies his trade in the Bundesliga for Bayer Leverkusen, playing over 100 games since joining them in 2008. Kadlec has also scored seven goals in 33 international games: a record which puts Emile Heskey to shame.

Predicted finish: Despite boasting a few well known faces in the shape of Petr Cech, Tomas Rosicky and Milan Baros, it is still an ageing squad that will be looking for the right blend of youth and experience. Sadly, the new generation isn’t of the same quality of the previous one and an early exit beckons.

Random fact: The Czech Republic has the most hospital beds per inhabitant in the EU, which is good news if you go to Prague on a stag do and things go a bit pear shaped.

If they were a meal, they’d be… The Atkins Diet. All the rage 10 years ago, but nowhere near as popular now.

GREECE

Manager: Fernando Santos. A title winner as manager of Porto in 1999, Santos managed several high profile clubs in both Portugal and Greece before taking charge in 2010. Led Greece to top of their qualifying group and remained unbeaten during their campaign.

Lookalike: Monica and Ross’s dad from Friends (AKA Elliot Gould) so expect some wise, fatherly advice during half-time team talks.

Player most likely to attract Prem scouts: Kyriakos Papadopoulos. The youngest ever player to play in the Greek League at 15 years and 283 days, Papadopoulos moved to Schalke in 2010 and has continued to impress in the Bundesliga. At only 20 years old, a strong tournament could see his stock rise further.

Predicted finish: Despite winning the tournament in 2004, they have been unable to make any impact in any major tournaments since. They failed to secure a single point in Euro 2008, scoring a single goal in the process and I can’t see the outcome being much different this year. An early exit looms for the former champions.

Random fact: No one in Greece can choose to not vote. Voting is required by law for every citizen who is 18 or older, which must make election day in Greece a nightmare.

If they were a meal, they’d be… Builder’s breakfast: big, workmanlike but unlikely to contain the energy required to last the distance.

POLAND

Manager: Franciszek Smuda. His playing career took him from Poland to Germany via the United States and his managerial career was just as nomadic until he was appointed manager of Poland in 2009. If he can lead Poland beyond the group stages he might just become a national treasure.

Lookalike: A slightly sterner looking Bishop Brennan from Father Ted. Just don’t ask him about his son…

Player most likely to attract Prem scouts: Robert Lewandowski. A key member of the young Borussia Dortmund side that has won the Bundesliga the last two years, the young striker scored 30 goals this season and has already attracted the interest of Manchester United.

Predicted finish: As one of the host nations, Poland will be looking to use their home advantage to progress past the group stages. Unfortunately, a lack of quality will see they progress no further than the quarters.

Random fact: Polish TV boasts a channel dedicated to the Pope, which might have some competition for viewers with the Euros about to start.

If they were a meal, they’d be… Dumplings, a solid eastern European dish unlikely to gain new admirers.

RUSSIA

Manager: Dick Advocaat. Well known on these shore due to his success at Glasgow Rangers and in the UEFA Cup with Zenit St Petersburg, where he beat Rangers in the final. The tournament will be his last as manager of Russia as he is returning to domestic football with PSV in July and will be looking for a worthy swansong.

Lookalike: A more amiable John Prescott and arguably less like to punch an outspoken member of the public.

Player most likely to attract Prem scouts: Alan Dzagoev. The 21-year-old CSKA Moscow midfielder has already been labelled the future of Russian football by fans and despite his tender age he has already amassed 153 appearances for CSKA scoring 37 goals. He also has 18 caps for Russian scoring four goals.

Predicted finish: After topping their qualifying group, Russia will win this group in some comfort. Unfortunately, they come up against the runners-up from the group of death, which will see their own cup hopes extinguished.

Random fact: If invited to a Russian home, men are expected to bring flowers, although yellow flowers are considered bad etiquette. So at least you now know what to bring if you’re invited to the Putins for dinner.

If they were a meal, they’d be…Pork chop and chips, a good dish but just not enough in to make it a great dish.

Euro 2012 | Group B preview

‘B’ is for bonanza! Where to start with this little lot? Denmark, Germany, Holland and Portugal is undoubtedly this tournament’s ‘group of death’ with three sides harbouring serious hopes of progressing all the way to the final – and the Germans aren’t bad either (ho ho ho).

Holland, arguably everyone’s second team until they attempted to kick Spain (literally) out of the World Cup final, cruised through qualifying dropping just three points, however that was still three points more than the Germans dropped. Denmark and Portugal are paired again as they were in qualifying, with the Danes, maybe surprisingly, topping their group. Words: Steve Fitch.

Game of the group

While some of my fellow previewers are scraping the barrel to find a decent game, this group is spoilt for choice. However, I would be hard pressed not to go with Germany vs Holland. Assuming both record victories in their first games, which is by no means a given, this game could decide the group’s winner which will mean a quarter final against the runner-up of Group A. Have you seen Group A?! That’s a reward well worth having, I’m sure you’ll agree.

With both teams favouring open, attacking football (71 goals in 20 qualifying games between them), it could provide more goals than all the Group D games combined…

DENMARK

Manager: Morten Olsen. Frequent followers of international footy should recognise old Morten by now, after all he has been in charge of the Danish team since 2000. A pretty good effort for a man who has been sacked from every other managerial job he has ever held.

Lookalike: Jerry Springer. Admittedly you may have to screw up your eyes and find a picture of him with glasses to see that one.

Player most likely to attract Prem scouts: One or two Danish players could make a name for themselves, (don’t get confused with the three Poulsons…) but young Ajax star Christian Eriksen is the one likely to get the most attention. Likened to former Danish great Michael Laudrup, Eriksen is now the first name on the team sheet for both club and country.

Predicted tournament finish: Fourth in the group. Would have been a good shout for the quarters in any of the other groups, sadly this one will be a bridge too far.

Random fact: In a Danish pub, no one can be charged for food unless this person, by his/her own opinion, is “full”. Also, restaurants cannot charge for water unless it’s served together with ice or a lemon slice.

If they were a meal, they’d be… Rump steak. Tough, meaty, not without its moments, but ultimately there’s better quality around.

GERMANY

Manager: Joachim Löw. After not having a particularly distinguished playing career, Löw has certainly made a name for himself as German coach. He led Germany to the final of Euro 2008 before losing to Spain, and to the semi-finals of the 2010 World Cup, again losing narrowly to the Spanish.

Lookalike: Charlie Sheen. No doubt hoping his strikers will be ‘Hot Shots’ during the Euros.

Player most likely to attract Prem scouts: Bayern midfielder Tony Kroos has impressed this season, but the stage could be set for Dortmund’s 19 year old playmaker Mario Gotze, who has helped the Bundesliga side win the past two German League titles.

Predicted tournament finish: I have a sneaking they’ll win the group on goal difference and could meet their nemesis Spain in the semis. If they can overcome the Spanish this time, they may go all the way.

Random facts: German athletes have won a total of 1,548 Olympic medals (summer and winter combined), more than any other country in the world except the USA.

70% of German highways have no speed limit.

If they were a meal, they’d be… Sushi. Some of it looks weird, some of it you’ll hate, but generally it turns out to be pretty good.

HOLLAND

Manager: Bert van Marwijk. Following a 19-year playing career, Van Marwijk moved into management, winning the UEFA Cup with Feyenoord in 2002 before replacing Marco Van Basten as Dutch coach following Euro 2008. He is the father-in-law of Dutch midfielder Mark Van Bommel – which might explain how he still gets in the team.

Lookalike: Bruce Dern. With Bruce in charge the Dutch really do stand a chance of being ‘Last Man Standing’.

Player most likely to attract Prem scouts: Midfielder Kevin Strootman has impressed this season in the PSV engine room, but keep an eye out for speedy attacking right back Gregory Van der Wiel, another product of the renowned Ajax youth system.

Predicted tournament finish: May not win the group, but will crush whoever they play in the quarters. Could be Spain or Italy in the semis though and that may be their limit.

Random facts: Holland has nearly 1,000 museums, with 42 in Amsterdam alone.

The Dutch are statistically the tallest people in the world.

If they were a meal, they’d be… A mixed grill. It looks brilliant, it’s got a bit of everything but when it’s finished you are always left wanting a little bit more.

PORTUGAL

Manager: Paulo Bento. Bento had only been retired as a player for six years when he was called upon to replace Carlos Queiroz at the start of the Euro 2012 qualifying campaign. You may recall he was banned for five months, along with Nuno Gomes and Abel Xavier, for bad behaviour in the semi-final defeat to France in Euro 2000.

Lookalike: Steve Carell. Any supporter with a Portuguese persuasion will be praying his management techniques are better than a certain Michael Scott from the American version of The Office.

Player most likely to attract Prem scouts: There has been a real dearth of young Portuguese talent emerging in the past few years, so most of the squad are household names. But one to keep an eye on if he gets some playing time is Porto winger Silvestre Varela.

Predicted tournament finish: Third in the group. On paper, their first XI can be a match for anyone, but the squad in general lacks the depth of Holland and Germany and this will find them out as early as the group stages.

Random fact: Portugal is home to the largest living population of professional shrimp boat captains. RUN FORREST, RUN!

If they were a meal, they’d be… An English trifle. Some parts are top class, some parts will surprise you, but altogether it’s a bit soft and spongy.